April 17, 2007
Well I had Taylor this passed weekend and to say the least I’m at home and she is still in the hospital in NICU. I’m pissed. And I just am so annoyed that I don’t have her home with me. I hate going to see her and having the nurses around me and telling me what I can and can’t do with MY baby. When I have to leave when I can come and visit and how to love my child. I just want her home with me where she can be held and loved and taken care of. I hate talking to people about what is going on I hate having to say I’m home and she’s not and I just get so pissed. The most annoying thing is not being able to hold her. They have all these cords and IV’s in her and it just really upsets me. I don’t want her in there I want them to give me a real date when she can come home not a guess and well let’s see how she acts, she is going to act the exact same until she is loved and held and taken care of like a mom is to do. I just get so upset and I’m so hurt and I’m so lost and depressed that I don’t have my baby. I don’t even feel like I’ve had her cause I’ve not been able to take care of her. It’s very annoying and I know there are other people out there that have it way worse off then me with there babies but I get so mad and I start to think well maybe it was something I did while I was pregnant with her maybe I didn’t do something right or I didn’t get enough of this or that, I just don’t understand. Sometimes the best medicane is love. And only a mom or a family can give that. I just want my baby and I want a date of when she is leaving, no guesses or we have to see how she is feeling crap. A date and put it in stone also. I know that she is in good hands and well taken care of but it’s very hard for me. And even thou I still have my family and Hadley I wish that I had my family together that we could all be together. Not apart like this. I know that Hadley knows that someone is missing and I know and so does Brandon but I guess this is something we are to go threw together as a family. We have to make sure that we are strong and able to handle things. Even when they are unexpected. We will be together soon but to me it’s just not soon enough. I can’t even talk to my family that calls on the phone or call other family members to talk about what is going on. Cause when I start to think about it and talk about it I start to cry and I get really upset and I hate it and it makes me so mad. But I have to be greatful that it’s nothing too serious and they are just making sure that she will be safe and I don’t have to bring her back into the hospital once I get her home. I just wish it was sooner that she would heal and be with me. I love my babies and I want them all under my roof. I don’t like that one is not with me. That I can’t check on her anytime I want and I can do it by walking into the room. Not driving to the hospital. Needless to say it’s un fun. I just want her healed and better. And I guess this is the best place for a newborn to be. I love my children and I love my husband and I’m truly greatful that I have them to lean on in this hard time. They have been my rock. And for that I love them even more.
Here she is in her little bed! Cute little bundle of joy!
So this was the day to bring her home. Well when we got to the hospital and saw her we broke down. They had put in IV in her head, also meaning, she's not going home today. I couldn't believe it, another IV and it was awful! My poor baby.
Nothing like Daddy and Mommy's love! 
Oh yeah, nothing was really wrong with her. She had some liquid in her lungs that she had shallowed while I was giving birth. And so they started to say it was all kinds of things and ran all these tests, it was nuts. Seriously nuts. And then, we had her on a Friday,the 13th, and we were going to take her on wednesday home, well they had the IV in her arm on Tuesday afternoon and when they had taken it out she had developed a rash on her arm and some of her chest, from where the tape was so that is why they had to put her back on the IV, it could of been oh whatever they can come up with, when it was really nothing. And once they put them on the IV with the antibiotic they have to stay on it for 3 days. So thus the long stay in NICU.
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